Music, My Life, My Return

I want to first say that my absence has not been in vain. I struggle daily with myself on if I want to continue to pursue anything that even deals with music. Over the years I have seen my own decline in regard to the one thing that I have always loved. MUSIC. No matter what or how I was feeling, I could always count on music to get me through it. I could turn on the radio, my cd player, pull up some songs on the Internet or sit down and write til my heart's content....but slowly that started to change. TUPAC always was and always will be my favorite ARTIST of all time. I had moments of "idolizing" Master P's No Limit Records and when I say, I had every single poster of every single artist ever signed to No Limit taped, stapled and glued to my wall, along side other artists like Tupac, of course, Nelly and Scarface.

At 15, my room looked like that of a teenage boy that lived and breathed music and some of those posters even followed me into my adulthood. I remember sending my ex pictures of  "our" apartment during his bid and being laughed at because Nelly and Tupac hung up on the walls. Yeah, I was 20 years old and still had posters in my room, but little did he know, those posters motivated me to write music.Music started to lose it's meaning, it's purpose and with the downward spiral of music itself came the lack of passion I once had for it. All I ever wanted in life was to be the first female rapper on someones record label. While


I remember sitting at my computer, playing with whatever software was popular back then and making my very first beat. I was so excited. Without thinking I posted it online to one of the little underground websites I was a part of and started my journey on being a producer. I still wrote music and even recorded a bit, but my joy was in making beats. Not long after that all of my equipment was stolen, my exes keyboard, my computer, ALL of MY music.... I felt like I had lost everything and in a way I did. I turned my back on music and started focusing on other things, so it came as no surprise when I picked up a Lloyd Banks cd and a familiar beat. Most people hear their creations and get ecstatic. Not me, I knew I was took. Not realizing that uploading my beat without the proper copyrights/trademarks, etc opened me up to losing what turned out to be a major hit for Lloyd Banks. His track Cake.....that beat....that exact beat...... yeah, that was me. That was the moment I learned one shady side of the music business, the thievery.

Fast forward to present day...music is trash now days. I had a conversation about how producers are so disposable that they will use the same one for a few years and then toss to them background to live off royalties. Not saying that they are talented enough, but it seems as though the music business isn't big enough for more than one popular person at a time. Lil' John, Pharrell, DJ Khaled (who seemed to last the shortest amount of time) and now Mike Will Made It.... I know everyone has their time, but this is why music sounds the same, it all has the same theme, and dies out too fast. Its too repetitive. Thus comes my struggle with dealing with and even writing about music.

I'm tired of writing about the same lame ass artists who are on ALL of the same songs with each other. Not one of them can make a decent solo record because they are all on each other's albums doing the same type of songs over and over and over. How much weed smoking, purp drinking, ass shaking, j wearing can there really be? Yes, I get it, it's entertainment, but it's not entertaining anymore......I miss real music. The classics and drama every now and then is ok, but why does every damn rap album have to come with a damn award show fight? Why can't the slutty R&B singers be ho's together? Do they really have to fight to out ho each other?

With that being said, I've decided that GOD blessed me with a talent for music and just because this world has turned the music into something I can't tolerate doesn't mean I should turn my back on the 2 things that have never done me wrong. 1. GOD & 2. MUSIC..... so I am choosing to continue to write, about what I want and I pray that you all receive it the same way you would receive anything else that has been posted on this blog thus far. Thanks for all of your support, your shares, your reviews and ideas, My return will be with much purpose! YOU GOT MY WORD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still MISSES_S.A.M. signing OUT!!!!!!!!!!